Thursday, September 7, 2017

August'17, the worst month of my life

Oh-guhhst! Get it?
Yeah, that's how my August was and the pessimist in me says that's how my September is going to be. It was simply one of the worst months I've had in a while. It started off with a lot of sleepless nights and frustration at fellow group project members who were not doing their jobs.

The group project was followed by multiple sleepless nights when we were taught how things (internship/student committee) worked at my new school. The classes and extra sessions were starting to take a toll on me when student committees started their selection process. Like a fool, I applied for way too many societies, the workload was unbelievable. I was roaming around sleepless like a zombie from class to class and from assignment to assignment. Ultimately, I crumbled like a piece of paper. The ill effect of the stress started showing in my work too, all the societies decided that I'm not a good fit. It was harsh getting so many rejections while everyone who took my help to do their assignments got through. I, on the other hand, ended up doing over 30 assignments all on my own (Whenever I asked for help as so much as asking my friends to have a look they didn't seem interested), all for nothing.

In the meanwhile, the feeling of being lonely and sad started creeping in, it started to feel like people who I call friends only think of me when they need something. It has been a while since I last felt like this.

Exams were another failure, I passed but marks weren't as good as I'd have liked. In one of the exams the girl who sat behind me told me wrong answers I'm guessing purposefully because her answers were right, costing me a good %age of marks.

To add to this a friend of mine suddenly decided to disappear and appear again as per her own convenience. That made the feeling of being needed as per one's own convenience worse. I told her so and now, we're not really talking anymore.

Then came internships, without going into details I'll just tell you, I faced even more rejections. Including a company where I desperately wanted to go (Hint - It hides its logo in every movie it produces). Okay, that one company really hit me hard, I don't care much about getting rejected from the others. A few did talk to me about it and I'm thankful to them, while people who I call my friends they couldn't care less, I was in my room for almost two days only coming out when I had to, they didn't have the basic decency of asking where I am or if I was okay. I need a little attention to sometimes and I think I deserve some back after all the attention I give to people I like.

The worst thing about this month is the feeling that my sister's boyfriend will replace me back home. I just feel like going urrgggh with the fact that I don't know to whom to talk or what to talk or how to talk, I'm not used to such talks. What I do know is I need to talk to someone because I feel like shit and I feel crazy lonely.

There's also this girl who reminds me of this person I used to like in the weirdest phase of my life. I get so irritated whenever I see her, I just can't look at her without thinking of that person and that brings out the ugly.

Even my friends here seem to be ignoring me or so it seems, they're always busy and its always me who has to put in all the effort that's not how it works. I like them a lot though and have tried reaching out but they were always unavailable, either hanging out with others or busy somewhere who knows where maybe I should have been clearer that I'm struggling and need help but you know me, I can't do that. Sometimes, I feel like I'm one bad day away from going crazy and breaking down. You can't believe how many times I've imagined packing my bags and just going out on the road, away from people maybe go back home for a while hangout with a few familiar faces.

Let's not forget the wonderful gift that my roommate is, he is simply the most sexist person I have ever met and he's as horny as he's sexist. Sometimes I feel like cleaning my ears after hearing the shit that comes out of his mouth. Then there's his entitlementness, that annoys the shit out of me. He constantly invades my space and in a room with two beds, two chairs and a bean bag I'm often out of places to sit because he has his freaking things all over the room. He sleeps wearing only boxers with his hands inside and his boxers way too low, his hair and acne filled body isn't something I want to look at every freaking morning, he doesn't even wear clothes after we've all explicitly asked him to. We've also taken a photograph of him pleasuring himself while sleeping to prove a point but no change it's getting disgusting now.

I don't know, maybe I expect too much from people but everyone gets to have that one person who is like their own person. That go to person who knows you inside out, who stands by you no matter what. Why can't I? Is it too much to ask? I've never been too good at maintaining relationships and friendships because I end up disappointed from people maybe that's why I am where I am. I'm still trying to find a way to express myself without doing emotional vomit all over another person.

Whatever the reason be, I'm struggling at the moment and I'm not liking it at all.

Saturday, July 22, 2017

Why I haven't posted year 4 comic yet

Normally I would've posted a comic but I can't finish that right now, I don't know why but I have zero motivation for that. You might probably already know that I recently started studying at a post grad college in Ahmedabad. The news was quite a shock, especially how late it was given to me. I got only like two weeks worth of preparation before I was to leave Delhi for two years. My last two weeks went by in a flash and before I knew it my last night in Delhi was staring down at me. It was a big moment for everyone.

My flight to Ahmedabad was quite pleasant even though it was at five in the morning and then journey from the airport to my college was exciting. I was thrilled to see how beautiful my campus is, it has peacocks and langurs too. I went to my room as soon as I reached the campus only to find it locked, that lead to me searching for my roommate for an hour, a roommate I hadn't ever interacted with or had seen before, a roommate I only knew the name of. Somehow I managed to find Roehan, my roommate, and we settled into our new room. It isn't as luxurious or spacious as my room back home but for a hostel, it isn't half bad. My roommate Roehan is from Tamil Nadu and couldn't really speak Hindi the day I met him, he can understand it a little now so yay for that, he's a brilliant photographer and you might even say a little too conservative iykwim. I hope he makes the most of these two years and you know becomes a little less arrogant and sexist.

My first day here went by in a rush, I was busy getting registered and setting up my room all afternoon while my roommate was out socializing with people. I'm not gonna lie I did feel a little lonely and the odd one out mostly because after coming here it felt to me as if people were already acquainted with each other. That was explained by the fact that these people were part of a Whatsapp group made for people who had gotten into my college and I wasn't a part of it. I felt even more secluded than I already was. I made a lot of acquaintances though, so I guess that was a start.

The second day was a little better, I was having my meals with random acquaintances I had made the previous day, talking to random people making more acquaintances. So whenever my roommate would conveniently disappear to interact with the fairer sex, I didn't feel as awkward as I was the previous day.

The next day is when I met Riddhi, who's a meme and momo enthusiast. She lives in the same hostel as mine. Hanging out with her was so much fun, mostly because she's so full of life and I'm not going to lie but I really like the way she thinks. Soon after that, I met Lakshya and then her roommate Priyali, I've never seen anybody's eyes twinkle with excitement as much as Lakshya's eyes do and Priyali is the smart kid on the block who knows what's up. Then there's Monil, Ranjit, Viraj, Ankit, Aditya who live on the same floor as mine and are always fun to talk to.

In our first week, Riddhi, Lakshya, Priyali and I went out to watch a movie. What I didn't know at that time was how big a deal it was for people. Apparently, when you go to watch a movie with girls you're basically trying to hook up with them or so the logic in this hostel says. I didn't expect to face such juvenile gossip in a post graduation course. There were these two guys let's call them X and Y, I'd name them but I'm gonna talk a lot of shit about them right now so I won't.

My movie was amazing and we had fun, I got to know the three girls better than I did before, it was a great night. The next day not so much. So my roommate and I were in a friends room with X and Y, so X goes like, "Hey, do you guys know who scored in his first week here?" to which Y replies something like, "Broo, you're all set bro". Now to most men that would've been a medal of honor but you know me, I'm barely a man-man, I just don't like that kind of comments. This is not my first time facing such attitude but I wasn't expecting people to act like that here, to be honest.

My classes have been fun for the most part up until now and people are kinda interesting too, well, most of them. Also, the food is quite good for a hostel from what I've heard can't really compare it myself. It doesn't feel like I'm too far away from home. We went to Mount Abu as well and yes we include X and two other guys one of whom is also like X and Y.

Oh before I forget I've already have had a new crush here too but as usual, I found out recently she has a boyfriend. I haven't talked to her yet but she seemed really cool and passionate, I saw her for the first time while attending a design workshop. Her team had one of the coolest ideas presented in that workshop. Crush reminds me I haven't told you guys a story, a story of this girl I almost went out with a few months ago.

She was seriously cool. After a couple of days of texting I ask her out, it was as awkward as you think, she agrees and we decide to go for this food truck festival which was like two weeks away. I had to go on a week trek in the Himalayas so the date couldn't be before that, I went for the trek all happy that something cool is finally happening to me oblivious to the fact that life had other plans for me. The girl and I text on the trek a couple of times only since I had no connectivity at all but we did talk a lot after I came back. On the night before the date, I ask her what's the plan and what time would she be meeting me to which she replies something like - I'm sorry dude I've been kinda seeing someone for past one week I don't think we should go out. That felt awesome. She reached out to me again a few days ago, telling me about her stress and whatnot, but I realized that I have no resentments against her anymore. Seriously why is it so hard to find someone equal amount of pathetic asshole as you are?

Anyways moving on, first two weeks were full of orientation classes followed by long late night card playing sessions. Regular classes made the schedule a little more busy and now we are usually always busy trying to get all the readings and assignments done before the classes. The silver lining is that they're more fun than engineering assignments.

We, our entire batch, also got into a bit of a bother with the senior batch here and I'm not going to go into any details for the same, not because I don't want to but because I shouldn't. Things are settling down now, we're on more friendlier terms now. Here we have a concept of having Room Ma(mother) and Room Baap (father) who are basically people who have lived in your hostel rooms before you. They act as a mentor to you and are your go to person if anything goes wrong. I have a Room Baap, he's pretty cool, his name is Amogh. Roehan's Room Baap is also quite fun his name is Shrey. They're very helpful and are always happy to talk to us.

You might be wondering if everything is so awesome at my new school then why do I sound so frustrated on twitter. There's only one reason for that, remember that red asshole in my comics? Yes, the one keeps reminding me I'm not good enough? He's woken up again.You know how it goes, right? You've read my blog or twitter account before.

My biggest worry right now is that I'll not be able to make the most of these two years and end up regretting my decision to come here. Red is an asshole like that as you might have already figured from all the comics I've posted here. To keep Red in check I tried talking to a friend but that failed miserably since she was more interested in a noise in the background and just wanted to sit there silently but whatever. Anyways, I know I'll get through this blue phase as I always do.

How about you? What's up with you?